As I stand at the threshold of motherhood with just a few weeks left for my little one to step out into this world, I recount the moments I've lived through these past 27 years - moments of joy, of wanting, of hoping, of pain and anguish, of highs and lows...myriad experiences coupled with prolific learning; a soulful journey I truly cherish!
School years were spent grooming emotions that would one day help us fit into the society. Aggression, competitiveness, anger, jealousy, trust, faith, camaraderie and victory were comfortably internalized and etched in the mind’s dictionary.
With the arrival of my brother came yet another learning experience – the sensitivity towards another life that was made of the same blood and flesh as I. And like all who’ve had siblings and the accompanied “rivalry” that most shrinks love to talk and write books on, I had my share too… But unlike most my friends who had a mere year or two between them and their siblings, I had a good 9 years lead. This gap, although many back in those days considered awkward, was a blessing for me for I learnt my first lessons of nurturing right then. For me, that little fella, my brother, was more like my baby than my brother…Things haven’t changed much since then although we’ve grown to be adults now.
The woes of teenage sure got hold of me and I for one wasn’t spared at all – trying to fit in, be accepted – the challenges were handful! And with the hormones meter spoke moving from mild to active, life was sure challenging especially when it came to understanding the difference between love and infatuation.
Out from school and into college and the only analogy I can give is that of moving out of the frying pan and straight into the fire what with the spoke moving to hyperactive mode and disrupting the emotional balance. The greatest challenge was to convince my father that taking up Arts wasn’t such a bad choice after all. Then there were the heartbreaks and heartaches aplenty and they taught me the best and toughest lessons of life. The most important of them all – you’ve got to love yourself if you want to be loved by others!
Then came the next critical phase – building a career. This wasn’t by any means too easy either. Lessons learnt in school of competition, jealousy all came back with a bang. What was tough though this time round was that you were competing with no one else but yourself - yet another lesson that took a while to be internalised.
As time flew by, the age-o-meter progressed as well introducing other societal challenges. In India, clearly, the biggest challenge when a girl steps into her 20s and is fairly settled in her career is that of marriage. And then like we've read in those fairytale books and watched on silverscreen, my prince charming walked into my life. But like all fairytales, the journey was not a bed of roses alone. Friends who've known us from the start will tell that ours was a story that would make a successful Bollywood flick - there was a sound portion of love, romance, drama, pain and all the other critical ingredients that you find in our typical romantic flicks!
And now as I reflect on all these phases of my life, I wait in excitement and anticipation for the arrival of my little baby...
What I've learnt this far:
1) How we conveniently take our parents for granted and I realised this all the more as I scanned through what I had written - no where did I credit them for all the goodness they've added in my life, for all the tears they wiped away, for all the times they've patiently backed me despite the rest of the world turning against me.
2) For taking the man I truly love for granted - my loving & doting husband!
3) For taking myself for granted - the number of opportunities I've let go of in an effort to achieve some momentary gain.
4) For not taking time out to count my blessings and instead whining about what I never was able to get when I had so much more.
These past 8 months have taught me to appreciate life far more than the past years have...I guess it's the gift of being able to nurture another life within you that helps you gain this appreciation. The joy of seeing a little sac grow to a beautiful baby - it's a feeling that cannot be merely described in words!
I guess this is why we call life a journey for we traverse these insurmountable experiences that are lessons given by the great Teacher who watches over us from above.
I've covered a few milestones and there are far more to be covered yet...a lot more to learn, and a lot more to internalise!
