Shattered Shields: The True Strength of Friendship in Adversity

Once upon a time in the bustling heart of Bengaluru, two women named Aisha and Priya shared a bond that many envied. Aisha was wading through the murky waters of relentless challenges, while Priya stood like a rock, always ready to offer a lifeline.

Aisha often found herself overwhelmed by the weight of her struggles. Despite her best efforts, life seemed insurmountable. Priya, on the other hand, tried to be a beacon of hope and positivity. But every attempt she made to uplift her friend was met with a wall of resistance labeled "toxic positivity."

"You don't understand, Priya. Your positivity is suffocating," Aisha would retort. Each time, these words struck Priya like an arrow, leaving her efforts unseen and her heart heavy with disappointment.

Priya knew that her experiences were different, but that didn't make her empathy any less genuine. Every act of kindness, every moment spent trying to bring light into Aisha's life, was an extension of her unwavering love. Yet, these gestures were often dismissed, leaving Priya feeling invalidated and disrespected.

One evening, after yet another failed attempt to console her friend, Priya decided it was time to speak her truth. "Aisha, I know your pain is real, and I haven't experienced it firsthand. But constantly dismissing my support makes it seem like you're choosing to stay in this negativity. It's not fair to call my efforts toxic when I'm trying to be here for you. True friendship is built on mutual respect, and it feels like you're making it all about your pain and dismissing mine."

Aisha paused, the weight of Priya's words sinking in. For the first time, she saw the depth of her friend's struggle—trying to help, only to be pushed away. It was a harsh realization that maybe, just maybe, she had been using "toxic positivity" as a shield to avoid facing her own negativity.

This heart-to-heart marked a pivotal moment in their friendship. Aisha began to see Priya’s support not as a forced optimism but as genuine care. She realized that allowing someone to stand by her, even in her darkest times, was a crucial part of healing.

Their journey together transformed into one of mutual understanding and respect. They learned that true friendship isn't about dismissing each other's efforts; it's about lifting each other up, even when the world feels like it's falling apart. In this newfound balance, Aisha and Priya found a deeper bond, one that could withstand any storm, fortified by their shared commitment to truly being there for one another.

A poem I wrote way back in college

Moments of Love . . .

The wind was a silent onlooker

to their little sweet nothings...

And as it unobtrusively passed by

mellifluously touching her black silken tresses,

it revealed a rosy face

and eyes that twinkled with adoration...

They spoke no words,

Only gazed into each others eyes

He then smiled and holding her face in his palms,

lovingly kissed her youthful pink lips...
her body shivered in excitement
and he grabbed her in warm embrace
reassuring her of his love...
They sat silently by the quiet waters,
her arms entwined in his...
birds sang a love song as they flew by
as though celebrating the union of two hearts..
it was their moment,
one they'd cherish for life!

Faith or Desparation?!

The human brain, I learnt back in school, is rather convoluted...much like a walnut perhaps. But from my life experiences, gathered over these 30 odd years, I believe that it is not the brain but the mind that is convoluted.

How did the human mind arrive at this state of being? Was this how the mind was meant to be? I don't know if any schools of psychology have researched on that aspect (although there is a huge possibility; I just haven't made time to read up!)Now why did I suddenly pick up this topic, you may ask. Well, the past few months now have been nothing short of redefining the word "crazy". In our craze and yearning to live a good life (or at least what we perceive as good) we do things that are shallow, selfish, unworthy of appreciation, and outrageously stupid.

There's this aunt I know who never misses even a single day in doing her morning Pooja. She does this religiously just like you and I would brush our teeth or check our phones every 15 minutes to see if we've received any message. She does this like this is her life and yet, if things go a wee off-the-course, she is the first to shake and when she shakes so does her faith in the Gods she prays to every single day! And if, in that time of "shaken and stirred" existence, should she tread across an article or news piece that speaks of miracles and the power of certain Gods, then you know where to find her in the next couple of days or months to go!

As a student of Health Psychology, back in college, I learnt that the belief system that we humans develop is very powerful. So powerful sometimes, that it gives us the strength to fight the impossibles like cancer and even death! I also learnt that one should never try and question another person's beliefs; only help them see the truth from the false. But I never could find an answer back then to What differentiates faith from blind faith or belief from blind belief?

I watched a News article this afternoon about how you can help your "dull" child gain his/her knowledge and learning ability by paying obeisance at this particular holy shrine. I smiled as I watched the entire News piece cause I knew that aunt would be watching it too. I knew she would be running a mental check of her calendar appointments to plan a quick trip to that holy place. I also knew that she, for sure, would miss the last statement they made in that News piece..."One has to have full and complete faith and belief in the God for their prayers to be fulfilled".

I smiled again to myself knowing that many others like this aunt I know, would miss that line, would conveniently forget all the other Gods they've so dilligently prayed to all these years and would wait for the earliest opportunity to make that trip to that holy place they saw on News.
I asked myself again "What differentiates faith from blind faith?" Is it a mother's unceasing love for her child and her hope that the child will turn a new leaf despite all odds against that happening? Is it a partner's enduring belief that their spouse is loyal to them even if truth stands stripped naked in front of them telling them otherwise? Is it a yearning to having something you know you'll never really have but you still want it?

Someday I hope to get that clarity...for now it still remains a question left open to the perceptions and beliefs we continue to live with!!

How time flies...

It's hard to believe how time flies by so fast. The one and only blog I posted was a few weeks before I had my first baby. She's all of three years now and my second one, my son, will be two, a few months from now. It's been a roller-coaster ride alright! I've had my highs and lows, my ups and downs, my days of madness, and those of absolute silence (not to be mistaken for nirvana or bliss!).
I can still recall that morning on 4 April 2008 when Ravi, Amma, and I walked into The Cradle in the wee hours (6:30am). I was taken to my room to get me ready for the procedure ahead. Then, when I was ready, I was wheeled to the OT and greeted by the Anesthesiologist who was getting ready to administer the epidural. Felt a little tickle in my spine and then I was laid on the table. The Ravi was allowed in...he walked in, handy cam in one hand, wearing the surgical wear he was given, and looking excited and anxious.

Dr Chitra walked in and in a few minutes, I was being worked on. I was always told a C-section is like a cutting a piece of cake - its smooth and easy and done with before you even realise. But that really wasn't what I experienced. My little doll was all snuggled up in my womb and had to be pushed out so the Anesthesiologist began to push my stomach from a point right below my chest. Those few minutes where nothing short of seeing hell...I thought my chest cavity would burst and my ribs would break...

"Scan nalli yeshtu weight bandidtu kane?" asked Dr Chitra. I squealed and replied "about 3 something kgs..." to which she replied with a "chance eh illa...yeshtu gundakke idale nodu..." and with that she held my little fuzzball in her hands and handed her over to the assistants in the OT room. At that moment, as I saw that like life, that until then, was growing comfortably within me, I was overwhelmed with a joy that cannot be defined in mere words. I couldn't wait to hold her in my arms and as soon as Dr Kishore checked her and the nurses cleaned her up, they wrapped her and placed her on my chest so I could feel my little darling...

Then came the key phases of infancy and the tracking of all first times - falling on the stomach, saying amma and appa, first social smile, first laugh, first babble, and many more of the firsts.

When Daksha turned a year and ten months, we put her in play school (Jumbo Kids). She would only utter mere words until she started play school and now, its a task to get her to stop talking. Playschool not only helped her to talk and sing "rhaimz" (that's how she pronounces it!) but also helped her get off diapers and be fully toilet-trained.

With the new found ability to talk, came more fascinating moments - Amma staap it! Shuh-thup! Shumne iru! Hogu naan maatadsala...

All these firsts were backed by flashlights and sharing of pictures through Picasa or captured on Ravi's or my phone.

Three years and a month have passed by since that day and my fuzzball has grown to a gorgeous little doll! Three more weeks to go and she'll be starting mainstream school. Can you believe it? Although I can, I choke when I realise how time flies and how soon the sands of time are slipping by...

Just this morning, she visited the Planetarium (a part of the Summer Camp package I put her on to avoid her from driving me mad). She got home all tired and when I asked her what she had seen today, she replied "Amma, naanu twinkle twinkle little star nodide! Aamele...yellow light, blue light....thumba lights nodide...!"

My little munchkins...my little star is now all set to go out there and learn and absorb more light and shine brighter! At this juncture, I'm filled with mixed emotions... joy, a sense of accomplishment, fear, anxiety, and pride...all put in one cauldron called the heart!

My little baby...I know you are too little to understand any of this that I've just expressed (or perhaps you understand it all and more!). Know that the world out there, despite all the horrible things that happen, is still beautiful and has a lifetime of learning to offer you. Go out there like a sponge and soak all the knowledge you can and be a guiding star...

Know that your amma and appa will always be there for you for as long as they live and will take care of you and be by your side always and forever more!!

A journey called life...

As I stand at the threshold of motherhood with just a few weeks left for my little one to step out into this world, I recount the moments I've lived through these past 27 years - moments of joy, of wanting, of hoping, of pain and anguish, of highs and lows...myriad experiences coupled with prolific learning; a soulful journey I truly cherish!

School years were spent grooming emotions that would one day help us fit into the society. Aggression, competitiveness, anger, jealousy, trust, faith, camaraderie and victory were comfortably internalized and etched in the mind’s dictionary.

With the arrival of my brother came yet another learning experience – the sensitivity towards another life that was made of the same blood and flesh as I. And like all who’ve had siblings and the accompanied “rivalry” that most shrinks love to talk and write books on, I had my share too… But unlike most my friends who had a mere year or two between them and their siblings, I had a good 9 years lead. This gap, although many back in those days considered awkward, was a blessing for me for I learnt my first lessons of nurturing right then. For me, that little fella, my brother, was more like my baby than my brother…Things haven’t changed much since then although we’ve grown to be adults now.

The woes of teenage sure got hold of me and I for one wasn’t spared at all – trying to fit in, be accepted – the challenges were handful! And with the hormones meter spoke moving from mild to active, life was sure challenging especially when it came to understanding the difference between love and infatuation.

Out from school and into college and the only analogy I can give is that of moving out of the frying pan and straight into the fire what with the spoke moving to hyperactive mode and disrupting the emotional balance. The greatest challenge was to convince my father that taking up Arts wasn’t such a bad choice after all. Then there were the heartbreaks and heartaches aplenty and they taught me the best and toughest lessons of life. The most important of them all – you’ve got to love yourself if you want to be loved by others!

Then came the next critical phase – building a career. This wasn’t by any means too easy either. Lessons learnt in school of competition, jealousy all came back with a bang. What was tough though this time round was that you were competing with no one else but yourself - yet another lesson that took a while to be internalised.

As time flew by, the age-o-meter progressed as well introducing other societal challenges. In India, clearly, the biggest challenge when a girl steps into her 20s and is fairly settled in her career is that of marriage. And then like we've read in those fairytale books and watched on silverscreen, my prince charming walked into my life. But like all fairytales, the journey was not a bed of roses alone. Friends who've known us from the start will tell that ours was a story that would make a successful Bollywood flick - there was a sound portion of love, romance, drama, pain and all the other critical ingredients that you find in our typical romantic flicks!

And now as I reflect on all these phases of my life, I wait in excitement and anticipation for the arrival of my little baby...

What I've learnt this far:

1) How we conveniently take our parents for granted and I realised this all the more as I scanned through what I had written - no where did I credit them for all the goodness they've added in my life, for all the tears they wiped away, for all the times they've patiently backed me despite the rest of the world turning against me.

2) For taking the man I truly love for granted - my loving & doting husband!

3) For taking myself for granted - the number of opportunities I've let go of in an effort to achieve some momentary gain.

4) For not taking time out to count my blessings and instead whining about what I never was able to get when I had so much more.

These past 8 months have taught me to appreciate life far more than the past years have...I guess it's the gift of being able to nurture another life within you that helps you gain this appreciation. The joy of seeing a little sac grow to a beautiful baby - it's a feeling that cannot be merely described in words!

I guess this is why we call life a journey for we traverse these insurmountable experiences that are lessons given by the great Teacher who watches over us from above.

I've covered a few milestones and there are far more to be covered yet...a lot more to learn, and a lot more to internalise!